I’m back but overwhelmed

I have not posted in weeks. Every Wednesday, I receive a WordPress notification, reminding me it’s time to blog. Every week, I’m determined to post something. But I’m so stressed, so overwhelmed, it’s difficult to unjumble the thoughts in my head.

In the last several weeks, so much life has happened, personally and in the world. It’s enough to bury a gal.

First, I’ve had family deaths, illnesses and a house fire. My husband, kids and I are safe and unharmed, but we can’t live in our house for several months while repairs are made. Much was salvageable, but much was not. People have been supportive and generous, but some have not at all, seemingly to marvel as to why my house fire has stressed me out so much.

And the world is a complete dumpster fire. Dumpster fire has become so cliché, but it’s fitting.

Conservative wanna-be dictators are on a rampage, pushing conservative agendas that are wildly unpopular. But you know, there agenda is more important than what people actually want.

If you have a uterus or are LGBTQ, rights are being stripped away. Loop-hole after loop-hole is dug into, disintegrating protections.

Policies are turned over or created making life for disabled people more and more challenging. Especially when it comes to guidelines and policies about Covid.

Voting restrictions continue to stifle black and brown and disabled voices.

And on and on and on and on.

I wake every day to push notifications detailing new insidious conservative agendas taking root.

It’s a blight.

I’ve had to unplug a bit, because it’s all overwhelming, and like so many, I honestly don’t know how to battle all this anymore.

But my personal situation is immediate and just as stressing.

We have a temporary rental and are now deciding if we just want to stay here. We really don’t have it in us to pack up and move again a few months. And it is an option to stay if we want.

But we are still settling, still unpacking and cleaning up what was salvageable.

And the on-going battle between me and my older kid’s school about his IEP and services has become a full-time job.

Now, my youngest kid is having GI concerns, and we need to see a specialist. He frequently vomits, and he eats very little. An already picky kid has a diminishing list of foods he will eat.

Forget about my health. My continual chronic issues with zero medical explanation are on the bottom of the list.

And oh, speaking of jobs, my main freelance gig is in suspended animation right now. Due to several cut-backs and lost contracts, the PR firm is not working with freelancers right now, only assigning projects internally. Just. Great. For. Me.

Sigh…

I’m trying to focus on the good, because there is good. In so many ways, I have it very good.

But the bad is a lot. It’s overwhelming, threatening to crush me. It’s too much.

I’m trying to write, to create, but my voice feels swallowed. But I want to try to post a bit more frequently than I have the last few weeks.

So, here we go… Finger’s crossed…

By LitMommy

Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter is a mom and writer from Omaha, Nebraska but recently relocated to Urbandale, IA. When she’s not chasing children, picking up messes or reorganizing the house, she enjoys yoga or reading to relax. In her spare time (A.K.A. her dreams) she’s a Broadway star. Kuenning-Pollpeter is a freelance marketer during the day, a creative writer at night. Her work has appeared in the Brevity blog, The Omaha World Herald, 13th Floor, Misbehaving Nebraskans, Hippocampus, Emerging Nebraska Writers and Random Sample Review. She has her BFA and MFA in writing from the University of Nebraska Omaha. Her essay “The Body” was a McKenna Fellowship finalist, and her essay “Imperfection” was a 2020 Best of the Net Nominee. She is blind and writes frequently about disability. She’s working on a memoir about the disabled feminine experience. With the kids though, expect it in stores in about a decade.

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